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I just couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind. “What would it feel like? Would I like it? Does it hurt? What if I am gay?” All those questions ran through my head daily. I was tired of wondering and I wanted to find out.One night while Josh and I were both in the room working on school work, I broke the ice and stated chatting with Josh. Nothing in particular, but it got us talking and focus away from the term papers on our computer screens. Then I went for it, I started talking about sex. I asked Josh what it was like his first time. When he was done with his story, I moved my desk chair closer to his and leaned in and kissed him. I KISSED A GUY! That was a sentence I once thought I would never say. Josh gently pushed me back and took a deep breath and told me he couldn’t because of his relationship with Alex. I understood and I told him I was sorry to put him in that position. That was the end of that, or so I thought. That Friday, I came into the room after dinner and found Alex. And this one was pretty far fetched, there were such factors as my voice, and size and build, and of course, my face. The first year of our online relationship had been incredibly eventful, still I had not revealed my face, but I had revealed much, much more. I regularly took photos of myself in very compromising positions. Often in various stages of masturbation, I had begun getting waxes, as that was his preference. And often I would take photos or videos of me fingering myself. He would always tell me how beautiful and sexy I was. And I felt it as well. I felt beautiful, sexy, I felt desirable and wanted. My desire for him to know my true identity, almost hit a crisis point. I cannot tell you how many times I began to type out that message, tears of self pity and self loathing bathing my cheeks. Only to delete it later. I had even gone so far as to consent to phone sex. Disguising my usually very girly voice by making it deeper, and using a prepaid phone to hide behind..
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